My career as a filmmaker and internet entrepreneur can best be understood as a recurring cycle of doing things which I am told are “bad ideas that just won’t work.” When I made my first adult film in the late ’90s, I became part of a literal handful of women directors shooting porn — and we’d all heard the same things:
“Women don’t watch porn.”
I built Sssh out of the desire to create an alternative to so-called “mainstream porn” that did not pigeonhole anyone or limit the erotic potential of women.
“There’s no market for porn made for women.”
And my personal favorite: “Women just aren’t that visual.” Yup, that’s right, we aren’t scrutinizing you men at all!
Society at the time, of course, perpetuated these myths and more. So in retrospect, I owe a great deal of gratitude to my rebellious streak and devil-may-care attitude, which spurred me to start asking other women what they actually find erotic, what turns them on, what turns them off and so forth. To my surprise and delight, women were more than eager to share, which made for great — and sometimes humorous — dinner conversations!
However, this early “interview data’’ that I gathered confirmed what I’d long suspected: female desire is just as diverse, rich and complicated as male desire, if not more so. Additionally, narratives of female desire have always been here and there’s always been an audience — but again, at the time, this was something that adult filmmakers had largely overlooked.
I thought, “What if I can combine the feedback I’m receiving from women with my own instincts, and produce erotica that is different?” I knew that I wanted to accomplish this while still respecting the fact that every filmmaker has their own vision and brings something to the table that people want. To this day, I hold that it is not my place as a filmmaker to tell other adults what kind of porn is “bad” or “good for them.”
I built Sssh out of the desire to create an alternative to so-called “mainstream porn” that did not pigeonhole anyone or limit the erotic potential of women. In particular, I wanted to make erotic films that represented people equally, with all participants enthusiastically consenting and experiencing pleasure. I also wanted to tell character-driven stories from a woman’s perspective.
As such, I ignored all the well-meaning people who told me, “No, don’t!” and who also told me that I was certain to fail. That was over 20 years ago, and since then the creative landscape in this industry has shifted dramatically. For one thing, many other filmmakers are now creating content based on member fantasies, and also exploring the portrayal of female pleasure or mutual pleasure in fun and exciting ways. I feel this evolution is definitely something to celebrate, as is the fact that the adult industry continues to be such a big tent with many different styles and genres. In many ways, adult is more diverse and cutting-edge than mainstream, which is thrilling to be a part of.
As I continue to pursue my passion for filmmaking — and ignore advice from people who tell me what I shouldn’t do — I find that innovation remains imperative. Just as my creative approach with Sssh was innovative for its time, I see now more than ever the need to continually adapt — and always listen.
Speaking of listening: my initial inquiries into female desire became part of the members survey inside Sssh — and it’s still going strong today! Thanks to the survey, I have been able to collect not only quantitative data, but also more human insight, as my members often provide me with detailed feedback and suggestions.
This feedback hasn’t just shaped my filmmaking; it has informed every aspect of what we focus on, from the topics explored in our podcasts and articles, to the subjects covered in our educational videos, to our erotic stories and even the way the site is navigated. The Sssh.com you see today, as well as every last feature on the site, is a direct result of member feedback.
With the benefit of over 22 years of archived data, I’m also excited to see that while content and genre trends in porn come and go, sexual consciousness continues to evolve steadily. For instance, the data from the beginning of Sssh shows that women were more concerned about pleasing their partners, but now the data overwhelmingly shows a trend towards pleasing themselves and self-exploration.
It’s also interesting that the fantasies that guide all of our content also often correlate with what is trending in mainstream television or movies — i.e. “50 Shades” created more demand for BDSM. Does life imitate porn, or does porn imitate life? My data suggests it’s a two-way street!
In any case, having a vast repository of data is also extremely grounding: I can maintain my focus on what people want and not get distracted by the “noise.” It is also a clear and persistent reminder of why I started Sssh, why I keep going and why the company has never been about me. One of my writers sums it up well: “We are in the business of desire. It is not our place to force-feed people or try to evangelize about ‘good porn’ — we simply listen and make the fantasies manifest. As long as it’s safe, sane and consensual, we do not judge the desires of the heart, the yearnings of the body, or the longings of the soul.”
All this to say: my time as an early internet entrepreneur has taught me that everything online moves at an accelerated pace. As an online business, if you think you’re standing still, then the truth is you’re going backwards. This need to keep forging ahead and explore new ideas is what led me to develop Sssh.com’s newest feature: Soirée.
Soirée is an integrative video viewing platform that enables people to watch adult entertainment together and video chat in real time. It’s an elevated watch party, and a way to connect even when physically separated. Like so many of the features on the site and so many elements of my films, the idea for Soirée grew out of that priceless feedback from fans and site members. During the COVID-19 lockdowns, I heard so many stories about people feeling isolated, lonely and depressed.
I heard from couples struggling with lockdowns and travel restrictions, as well as military service or work obligations that prevented them from being together. It all broke my heart — but also fueled my determination to do something, anything, that might help people to feel more connected, less alone — and just maybe a little more joie de vivre in a dark world.
Using Soirée, Sssh members can invite a remote guest and watch any movie on the site while seeing and hearing each other in real time. Members can also use Soirée to view our talk shows and educational videos, giving them a chance to explore and discuss all the ideas and information together — or just enjoy! Whether a couple is geographically separated, or simply dealing with very full schedules on opposite sides of town, Soiree allows them to connect from anywhere at any time. Obviously, Soirée is great too for play partners, or just friends who want to enjoy the content together.
So far, the analytics of Soirée have really surprised me. To date, we’ve had a maximum of 208 rooms running simultaneously, with the longest time in a single room clocking in at six hours and 23 minutes. On average, however, most people enjoy Soirée for 93 minutes — so about an hour and a half.
I can also already see how certain movies trend in Soirée — and it’s interesting to contemplate the “why” behind these preferences. For instance, during Halloween people were watching “Mirror Game” — which isn’t surprising because it’s a supernatural thriller — but they were mostly watching the R-rated version, not the explicit one. Is this because people have a craving to share a good spooky story but would rather add in their own “thrills” later? Or were the viewers friends who simply wanted to hang out together?
Meanwhile, during the week of November 1, our top-viewed movie was “Sex Tape,” followed by “Erotic Sex Positions” and “Dark Places.” The jury is still out as to what inspired these preferences, but I’m definitely intrigued. Granted, at this point we only have three months of Soirée data, but I’m really looking forward to seeing what we can learn from the trends going forward.
Ultimately, Soirée is a synergy of adult entertainment, sexual wellness and technology. It’s not for nothing that all these things combined can give us something far more valuable than mere entertainment: they can connect us, inspire greater intimacy and remind us of our shared humanity.
In the end, that’s what I hope my films do, too. Yes: I want my work to arouse people, but not just sexually. As a filmmaker, I want to stimulate people’s minds, pique their curiosity, reach inside their hearts and vigorously stir up all of the experiences and emotions that make us human. After all: we are beings of desire, and who says desire does not run deep?
And in case you were wondering: I’m going to keep doing what I do, no matter how many people tell me “it’s a bad idea.”
