opinion

How to Be Vulnerable With Fans While Transitioning

How to Be Vulnerable With Fans While Transitioning

My name is Ruby Fiera and I’m an online content creator and cam model on Chaturbate. I first started camming while I was attending university a little over three years ago. I was struggling to juggle lectures from 9-5, working late most evenings, maintaining my mental health and trying to study.

As a trans woman early in transition (I began the process in 2014), I was finding it hard to work a service job where I was constantly getting looks and questions about the way I looked and spoke. I had dabbled in some sex work in the past and decided it might be a good time to try out camming to help with some of my bills.

Post-op trans women are hardly ever seen in porn or camming and I wasn’t sure if there was a space for me and my new body.

I first started broadcasting on Chaturbate in 2017 and over the years I have had sex reassignment surgery with a second as a revision, a breast augmentation, Adam’s apple removal and both types of vocal surgery (cricothyroid approximation and glottoplasty) to help me physically become the person I have always wanted to be. I have done all of this whilst building up over 121K followers on Chaturbate, winning the platform’s “Trans Model of the Decade” award and receiving nominations for the XBIZ Cam Awards, UK Fetish Awards and more.

CAMMING AS A TRANS WOMAN

At first, camming was a great way to escape my emotions and feelings of depression and jump into the world of “Ruby.” At a time when I felt so low, it was a massive confidence boost to be able to get on cam and have people tell me how beautiful I was, idolize me and really care about me. I was able to dress up in wigs and makeup and give in to the fantasy people wanted. I finally found a community and job where I didn’t feel like a freak, but rather felt so much love and acceptance.

After a couple of months of camming, I realized that my fans really cared about me as a person and not just as a sexual object. I didn’t need to just be naked to get on cam; I could show up in whatever state I wanted and my community would be there for me. I started doing cam shows where I would just talk and hang out in my room. To this day, I get many people coming into my room asking questions about my experience as a trans woman, surgeries and more, so my streams started becoming educational. I thus developed two different audiences and two different types of shows — one that is highly sexual and one that is just talking.

STARTING TO SURGICALLY TRANSITION

After a year of camming, endless hard work and months of saving, I decided to finally proceed with gender reassignment surgery. It was not an easy decision as my pre-op body was my income and part of the fantasy I was selling. I had fans tell me it would be a mistake and had doubts about whether I would be as successful if I were no longer seen as a fetish; however, I needed to do the surgery for my mental health and to alleviate my genital dysphoria.

At the time, I had only seen one other post-op trans woman broadcasting on Chaturbate. Post-op trans women are hardly ever seen in porn or camming and I wasn’t sure if there was a space for me and my new body. However, I quickly learned that people join your cam shows for your personality, not just your parts.

COMMUNICATING TO FANS

When it came to communicating my surgery plans to my fans, I had to play it by ear about when I would disclose my plans and with whom. Since I had two different audiences — one that was purely sexual and one that was more educational — I would talk about it more openly during some shows rather than others. For some fans, I was there to provide a specific sexual fantasy for them and nothing else.

When I first discussed my plans for the surgery, I was met with generally positive feedback. Of course, there will always be people that don’t agree with your plans. I had people tell me I was making a mistake, that I wouldn’t have a job and that I would lose all my fans; however, my room was very supportive and gave me space to be emotional and vulnerable.

To this day I host cam shows of just me talking and hanging out with my fans where people come to talk to me about transitioning, surgery and life as a trans woman. The shows have become very educational and I’m happy to make even a small difference in the way trans women are viewed in the adult entertainment industry and society as a whole, whilst potentially helping others going through similar life journeys.

BEFORE SURGICALLY TRANSITIONING

Before I went in for sex reassignment surgery, I worked extremely hard to make sure I had enough money saved for my recovery time as I knew I wouldn’t be able to work properly for a few months. I was also nervous that I wouldn’t even be able to return to camming depending on the success of the surgery, which thankfully was not the case.

Looking back, I wish I had made more content before my surgery. I still have people to this day purchase my pre-op content and it's a great source of income. Reviewing my pre-op content and looking back at my mental state also makes me appreciate how much happiness my body now brings me, and makes me wish I had made the decision to go through with the surgery and transition sooner.

At the end of the day, you need to do what is best for yourself and your mental health. Don’t be scared about what people will think. It will not be the end of the world. I did lose some fans; however, I gained many new ones that were supportive and happy to see me happy, while also taking home awards for my adult content. If you are thinking about transitioning and have any questions — or just want a fun show — come join me on cam at Chaturbate.com/rubyfiera.

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