Many of you know me as Sara St Clair. I am the blonde bombshell with impressively large fake boobs, a perfect tan and it just so happens I can take seven cocks at once with no holes barred. Before I became what the porn industry would call a slutty MILF, I was just Sara Jane from the Midwest. A scrawny, rather plain girl with messy long brown hair who spoke with a stutter.
I always felt a sense of uncertainty in who I was supposed to be. No matter how hard I tried to do what I thought I was supposed to do, there was always this emptiness. It was a deafening void that got louder each year. I tried dragging razors down my arms to make it stop. I tried alcohol to make everything seem more fun, it didn’t. Then, I tried alcohol and substances to find complacency, eventually that wore off too. For me, sex was the ultimate fulfillment.
Without the sex industry, I would still be that scared lost girl.
When I was a teen, I gave a blowjob in the library and was high off the adrenaline for a week. Sex was what I needed to feel alive. Once you start having sex at a young age, eventually it becomes rather monotonous, per the examples above, so I started a whirlwind path of exploration. I explored being with girls, with multiple boys at once, with kink and eventually exhibitionism. I was always overlooked; I used to not always be the bombshell I am today. I was cute, but nothing to particularly take notice of. When I was having sex in front of others though, I was the center of attention, a feeling I have never felt before. I was hooked.
Once I became old enough, I took the jump and officially became a sex worker. I worked at the trashiest hole-in-the-wall strip club in Cleveland, Ohio. I was in love with being a stripper. The house mom teased up my dyed-black hair and the other girls showed me how to do makeup. I covered myself in shiny costume jewelry and neon bikinis with clear 8-inch platforms. I didn’t recognize myself. My reflection screamed that this is not who I am, but I silenced it. I was happy. Emerging from the locker room to the stage filled the chronic void. The emptiness finally dissipated, and I didn’t think I could find anything to top the rush that I was on.
Then, I discovered porn.
On April 20 in 2016, I landed at LAX and went to the model house to freshen up before meeting all the companies in Porn Valley. After curling my bleached blonde hair and applying eight layers of makeup, my agent took me to meet the directors for companies like Devils Film, Reality Kings and New Sensations. Two hours later my agent got a call that I was booked in six days for New Sensations. I was baffled that such a big company would want me. I was just a shy Midwest girl who really isn’t that special but nonetheless, I couldn’t stop smiling.
Finally, Friday arrived! I was dropped off at one of the most glamorous houses I have ever been in until that point. The makeup artist sat me down and transformed me. When she finished, I was stunned at who looked back to me in the mirror.
My colleague that day was Ramon Nomar. He put me at ease, helped position me and it was a successful day. Did I mention it was a creampie scene? Double bonus! A couple months later, the scene released and I was ecstatic. I watched, just like the rest of the internet, a petite Barbie-like girl get manhandled by a hot Latino, then filled with cum. That was me! It was like reliving my library blowjob 10 years later. The rush was addictive and I didn't want it to stop.
The first year of porn was amazing and weird. I still didn’t think of myself as the girl on screen; I was in love with her, she was my idol. She was everything I aspired to be. As time went on I started to become her. Each day I would do my hair and makeup as if I was on set. I learned how to enter the room with the same confidence I had on camera. I was self-assured enough to join in on conversations and make jokes with others. The girl I idolized on screen finally adapted into who I am.
Without the sex industry, I would still be that scared lost girl. This industry morphed me out of my cocoon into the slut butterfly I am. When I finish a shoot, I no longer am envious of the girl on the camera; I now know that I am the girl on the camera — I was always that girl and the porn industry is what gave me that push to find acceptance in myself … and, ultimately, the world around me. If I never came to porn, I would still be trapped in my box searching for the next best thing.
I feel that porn gives me a sense of empowerment, both financially and socially. I am proud to introduce myself as Sara St. Clair. I am excited to tell industry stories and go to all the places porn has taken me. I am happy telling people that I am fulfilled and that having sex on camera for the world’s pleasure is what helped me find who I really am at the core. In short, I found myself through porn and I am in love with porn for that.
