I imagine it must be difficult doing seven years of research with one hand, but an exhaustive study of 16 years' worth of Playboy centerfolds has revealed that the innermost turn-ons of enstapled bunnies tend to reflect attitudes that are aggressive, career-oriented, and otherwise self-actualized.
The study, which began in 1998, was completed by two researchers from southern universities.
"Adjectives suggesting vulnerability, submissiveness or passivity appeared less frequently," reported the article in this month's Journal of Popular Culture.