Classic Porn

Director Kayden Kross pays homage to the seductive scenarios of yesteryear in the sex anthology “Classic Porn,” featuring a menagerie of greatest hits such as “the plumber” and “the pizza guy” (in this case, the pizza gal) getting laid while on the job. As usual, her attention to detail is stellar, including some real throwbacks like a typewriter, a newspaper (glad to see some young folks still read those things) and some kitschy ‘50s furniture spread throughout one scenario. But, getting right to business, of the four stories, the best scenes are the ones packed right in the middle of this porn-manteau featuring Bree Daniels and (the always-welcome!) Gina Valentina, respectively.

While the lesbo tryst between Evelyn Claire and Kenna James (and a mirror!) is touching, and the sweaty hammering of Kissa Sins by her on-screen physical trainer (played by Manuel Ferrara) is energetic, Bree and Gina steal the show. Yes, Bree is the one who seduces the plumber, Jessy Jones, in her very ‘50s-decorated kitchen, with Bree delivering a slow and boner-bursting blowjob, followed by the fair-skinned, buxom, big-assed bitch getting heavily aroused as she lets Jess pretty much do anything her steamy, sopping-wet cunt. Yes!

And, yep, Gina Valentina plays the pizza gal who wants to meet her favorite author, played by rod-ski Markus Dupree (glasses, suspenders, typewriter, et al), with our scribe proving that the sword is mightier than the pen, as he (understandably!) humps this outrageously delicious young piece of Latina ass silly, with one helluva deep and nasty face-fucking and plenty of doggie-pounding moments making this one showstopper of a sequence.

I’m happy that director Kayden Kross had the good taste to include Bree and (yes! yes! yes!) Gina in her movie, which is absolutely worth watching for these two — very different, but no less slutty — women. I wonder if the next “Classic Porn” will see Kross enlisting a female cast endowed with wildly hairy pussies and assholes; guys flaunting sideburns, bellbottoms and hairy balls; and sex scenes that last less than a minute before the pop shot! I jest, but that would certainly be amusing. Thank goodness porn movie these days are a thousand times better than the so-called “Golden Age.”